My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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