I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im holly from the hills drunk
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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