Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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