Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize