Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
