i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
