Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize