I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
