summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
