Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
