We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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