Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
