I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
