Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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