Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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