I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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