Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
