At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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