Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
