he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
