If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
