Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
