Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
