also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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