Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
