Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You are a genius and a whore.
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