Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
