I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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