im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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