Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
