Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
