Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
