Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
