How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize