dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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