there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
