I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Enjoy the penises
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
