now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
