Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
