Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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