Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
