My balls are so social today.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
