break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
