his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
