It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
