btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
