We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize