I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
