Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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