So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
