The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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