You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
