You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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