The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
