I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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