doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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