genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize