youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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