My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
