You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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