WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
