...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
