The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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