SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
