I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
