You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think im going to throw up on grandma
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
