I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
