sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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