please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
