Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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