I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
