We tried having a conversation with our noses.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
